Re-Introduction, Still A Sp. Ed. Mom

Hi, my name is Ashley Morgan. I am a 43 year old mom of two perfect children. I have been married to my DH for 12 years. He is a great man and father. I have struggled on and off with depression, including post partum, and food is my vice along with really bad television. I realize I have come very far in life, a lot of childhood dysfunction to get over. After a lot of hard work and hard lessons I feel that today I am pretty healthy inside. Having a child with an ASD also contributed greatly to me getting real, cleaning house, and knowing what is important.

Currently, my challenges revolve around acceptance of what my life has become, specific to disability #2 that prevails in our house. I am an active student of buddhism, and practice meditation and yoga. These things have helped me with coping skills and perspective. I am happy to have found them, as I realize my skill are lousy, even on a good day.

My son is 10 1/2 and is has recovered from an Autism Spectrum Disorder (PDD-NOS to be exact) about 5 years ago. For those 5 years he's been going to school like a regular kid, no longer disabled by his label. Although Yale diagnosed him at 2 and also took away his diagnosis, I still consider him as a child on the spectrum as there is no cure. There are no real signs of ASD, standardized testing and teacher feedback is age appropriate or higher, his biomedical testing doesn't indicate any typical Autism signs like glutathione deficiency or metal toxicity. He lives stigma-free as we kept his diagnosis from his teachers and peers upon entering kindergarten. He may not hold my hand in parking lots anymore and prefers to talk to his friends on the phone rather than me, but he is still my big boy. He is really into baseball and basketball, and loves practicing his yo-yo skills and acoustic guitar.

My perfect sweet boy has P.A.N.D.A.S., a sensitivity to Strep, and also has Lyme but on a very small/suppressed level. Today Leo's symptoms are facial tics that come and go in severity based on what is bacterial/viral load is. Homeopathy, Rifing, and of course out-of-control Nutrition are my key tools.

On Leo's 10th birthday I had a minor breakdown. Turning 40 didn't bother me, being still overweight didn't bother me, but hey realizing that I've BEEN A MOM for a decade really got to me. I am not in the mood to caveat and talk about all the good things about motherhood. Of course I adore and love my children,. It's that my life's sole purpose has been major disabilities and disease.
Learning.
Fighting
Grieving
Trying to sleep
And repeat
You know the drill!

My daughter Sydney was diagnosed with Lyme Disease and 2 other Lyme related diseases (Bartonella and Babesiosis) this past fall when Leo turned 10. That was hard. Again? That initial craziness, the ramp up. Different disability, but very much the same when it comes to all the categories we Autism moms can relate to. My daughter Sydney is going to be 8 in a few weeks. She asked me if she still will have Lyme disease on her birthday and I can now say YES.

Sydney is amazing. A friendly, open, empathetic soul. Loves animals and nature and can't get enough of her family and friends. She is very academic and is a very school oriented person. She is addicted to Cam Jansen and Junie B. Reads them over and over as her favorite past time. She loves dance and performing, her favorite thing in the world. She also has P.A.N.D.A.S. symptoms on top of her Lyme Diseases.

I'm back to attending health related workshops and here I see my new disability merge with the old. New Lyme friends and my very best of friends (Autism moms) in the same room.

I find myself again struggling with acceptance. I wish I could let go of my desire to be a regular mom with a regular job. I don't want to be a specialist in autism or Lyme or anything else in the health category. I have no choice, this is what it is. Why is it hard for me to accept? I am no longer angry that my daughter lives with chronic 24/7 all-over body pain and has missed half of 2nd grade. The angry phase was no fun. Phew.

I worry about my kids' futures constantly. Leo asks, "Mom will I always have tics?" I say "No" although who knows.

I look around and compare myself to other moms, why do I struggle so much? I am my own worst enemy as it seems most people have figured out how to cope with their own challenges in life.

I want to never read a label again, go back to advertising, and start smoking.

Strep and Rife Machines

I finally have some positive news to share. I found a technology that dramatically reduces Leo's facial tics. Both my kids, especially my 10 year old son Leo, has an autoimmune response when exposed to strep. No high fever, angry sore throat here. His class could have 4 kids infected and home and he'll respond with eye blinks, strabismus, neck turns, and a furrowed brow. And again when I tested him on the EAV machine, strep came up as the winner.

His facial tics have been the worst EVER this fall. What does this mean? Did I wait too long to find something that works? Is he just getting more immune compromised? I just don't know and I'm certainly not going to waste my time by asking a medical doctor.

The strep nosode (a homeopathic remedy) helped for a while, but eventually the tics came back and the repeat dosing and other remedies stopped working. I'm sure this is a failure on my part (the mom practitioner), not with homeopathy. When you get it right, it works permanently.

I researched and purchased a Rife machine for my daughter Sydney's chronic Lyme disease. Yes, we are still in Lyme Hell after 6 weeks on antibiotics with no end in sight. The Rife machine, another way to kill the Lyme bacteria, is part 2 of my master plan. We will use this to wipe out any remaining/hiding Lyme so she will not relapse and go back to Lyme Hell (and neither will the rest of us in the family).

The machine, the EMX, costs around 1300 with shipping. I purchased mine at www.rifelabs.com. People that are electricians can build them by themselves with an old stereo system and other stuff you buy at Home Depot. Well meaning people have posted all this info for free, including the frequencies for the various Lyme life cycles. I couldn't find much about strep and rifing, hard enough with Lyme, but the movement is growing rapidly.

Here is another website with Rife info: http://www.lymebook.com.

So here I am, in my world of bacteria. Lyme and Strep. My new world. Somewhat new anyway. Perhaps a new possibility to end chronic health issues. Dare I type it.

Coming Out Of P.A.N.D.A.S. Season

So we just got back from a week away in Arizona. I looked forward to the break, but even more so to see if Sydney's facial tics would be better in a hot, dry climate. My regiment or the fact that it is getting more spring-like seemed to be helping, but the tics were still present. I was nervous trying my new regiment off-site since it's a homeopathic protocol that requires lots of clean water, cups, etc. Sydney's symptoms improved a small amount, then got significantly better when we came back to the east coast. I am just happy that she's so much better and that her tics are barely present. I also got validation from a pediatrician friend that western medicine doesn't recommend medication for these type of tics, as they see them eventually go away. They only recommend it for classic Tourettes.

Leo has a blink here or there, but that's about it from him. After years of being afraid, I finally decided to revisit a metal detox. We had done everything else, but metals still persist although much better. I know in my heart that these detoxes are the only way I can minimize toxic overload. It sucks, since I must continue to do these as prevention. That's all I need, another major neurological disorder to deal with. So whatever I can do to prevent it and maximize health as much as I can, so be it. Their doctor has no advice, but to monitor it.

So this week we started. No effect so far, the usual response for Leo. It takes him about a week. I'm also hopeful that the groundwork we've laid the past two years will be uneventual with the metals. Wish me luck, if anyone is out there listening. I am also planning on doing it once I am over a virus that is still with me.

On other topics, we had an interesting reminder of how things used to be while on vacation. Leo and Sydney swam about 4 to 5 hours every day for the whole week. On our last day, Leo was drying off and my DH noticed a puddle of red water undereath him. We both jumped up and begin questioning Leo while looking for a cut. He didn't feel a thing! I quickly got irritated with Leo (which I regret) since he wasn't helpful and for a moment I blamed him for the situation. This is my blog, so I can be honest! Anyway, we quickly found the culprit, a blister that burst under his big toe. All of his toes were red and raw from all the getting in and out of the pool. Leo was amazing and helpful, and even didn't whine about having to wear a Hello Kitty bandaid, the only thing I had. Of course I had bandaids, kleenex. Mom artillary.

Shades of years of major hyposensitivity in his calves, feet, arms, face, and hands. Leo used to be deathly afraid of swimming, had to wear weights on his calves to train his mind to feel them in the water. He was afraid of drowning, and hated splashing and getting his head wet (hypersensitiviy in his eyes). He also feared going upside down.

This week, I saw him go upside down, head first down the water slide with 4 other boys his age following behind him. His idea. I saw him play football on the grass with these same boys, initiating what to do next. He even skipped snack with no consequence one afternoon, his hypoglycemia under control. Leo also decided to join me and Sydney for a trail ride. His idea. He narrated out loud as he does, his initial fear and discomfort with the movement, the unpredictability of it. The flies, the glaring sun, all the chatting, taking it all in stride, dealing with all that input at once. Hypo and hyper sensitive still perhaps, but it doesn't stop him, as Artemisia says. I am forever in awe and amazed by Leo's determination and strength.

Kids Helping Kids, Tic Relief, and My Love For Chemicals

This week has been a good week. I've been down hard with the flu. The silver lining of the flu is why it's been a good week....I've been upstairs in bed for 4 days has made me realize that all our hard work has paid off. Without mom, they can take care of themselves. They've made themselves eggs, cereal, and heated left overs for dinner (DH at work). Sydney said Leo helped her pour the milk....Showered themselves without complaining (they usually do), and remembered to pack snacks for the next day. My DH can make lunches and get them to the bus in time. I guess if I die from this flu everyone will be just fine!

It all started downhill after I threw up in the car on the way to pick up the kids AND A PLAY DATE from school (our bus is allegedly, and I say allegedly, too small). Did I mention it was a busy road and I had to quickly dart over to the side? (I know, insert violin music here). The mom picked up Leo and his friend and had the play date at the other house.

I'm finally turning a corner thanks to my homeopathic remedies - I think perhaps they've shortened it a bit (4 days?). I usually don't "do" the flu, so I don't know if that's short or not. I was really sleepless and in pain for those days. But, the BIGGEST thank you goes to my NEW BEST FRIEND AND ADDICTION.....Gatorade (insert "Hello Darkness My Old Friend"). Chemicals rule man! I got teary when my last bottle of the blue one (yeah, way natural), was gone. I do love Fruit Punch & Berry though I have to say. Without the chemicals, sugar, and oh yeah, the electrolytes, who knows where I'd be. Those Excitotoxins will be hard to get out of my tastebuds, but I'll worry about that later. I love Gatorade and who gives a shit! But seriously, is there a healthy alternative? Please let me know if you have one!

To my relief I found a remedy to really work for Sydney's mouth tic. Incredible! There's just a tiny hint of it when she eats, but other than that it has disappeared. Two for Homeopathy for this week. Sydney was so happy, as the tic was really bothering her. My normal onslaught of immune boosters didn't nip it in the bud like it did last fall. It is a different tic I believe associated with Fifths Disease. I've posted about the kids' reaction to strep as facial tics before, and the mouth tic for Syd has been around for a few weeks.

My conferences were scheduled for yesterday. I didn't cancel, hoping I'd feel a bit better since I just didn't want to wait to hear how Leo was doing. After all, I've been waiting for 3 years for this moment. The conclusion of this marker year. Will he need services in the near future? So I busted out the Vitamin I (Ibuprofen), and threw back three, and took a shower. I felt pretty good, just clammy, so I went on to the conferences. DH was away.

Sydney's conference was first: Everything was great across the board. A good student, a good listener, ahead academically. I asked the teacher about her attention since she seems a little disorganized for her age. She said she is a little messy, stands up for cutting and gluing, etc. Teacher said, "Interesting to see in a girl. You really don't see that." In my mind I shouted "It's totally normal when you are wired like our family is!" She goes on to tell me she recently partnered Syd with a girl that is a little behind the class. The teacher says, "She gets to play "teacher" to her. She's very helpful and patient with her." I was pleasantly surprised to hear this. She doesn't show a lot of patience at home, and she's all about chatting away with her friends. I'm very proud of her, she's becoming so mature! But my DH pointed out how she grew up with therapists teaching in the house. That's been her example her whole life.

Insert nausea and constant sweating for Leo's down the hall. Everything was great across the board here too. Doesn't seem ahead academically, just a 3rd grader in the top groups. I don't want to say the n word, it's just to foreign to me. Normal? I don't know. Nothing to say about the standardized testing or anything else. His handwriting great (still amazing to me since he could barely grasp a marker at 4). Socially, great, although he has to "watch the chatting". She went on to say she moved his seat because of the chatting (my frightened little boy who feared other kids).

She moved his seat next to a boy she says needs a lot of support and that it's been working out nicely for both. Leo gets to help out his friend when he needs it. "Leo is a very good example for Marshall, a kid that needs extra help", his teacher says. "Leo is always there for him, saying positive things. He is always reaching out to others to help at any time. He has such empathy for others, a very sensitive boy. And, he never seems to have a bad day."

Such nice things to hear about kids, let alone your own. So both my special kids are helping their friends in class. I couldn't be happier right now.